Tastes Like AI: ChatGPT Writes A Bollywood Masala Flick

The year is 2023 and threat of powerful tools AI looms above us all. In these troubled times, nothing provides a better escape than a good old masala movie.

If you have never heard the term masala movie, let me save you a Wikipedia trip. Masala films combine multiple genres into a single, three-hour long entertainment fest. They have something for everyone: action, comedy, romance, and drama or melodrama. The perfect recipe for escapism.

Amar, Akbar, Anthony, A.I.

Masala films, whether you like it or not, are entertaining. And only a human who understands the Indian audience’s need for entertainment can write a masala movie.

Growing up in the late 90s and the early 00s, I watched countless 70s and 80s blockbusters on cable. They were illogical, cheesy, funny, and I might have missed out on some cleverly inserted double-entendre. But I watched them nevertheless. One of my favorites was the 1977 smash hit, Amar Akbar Anthony.

(Have a look at its poster above and tell me if it doesn’t embody the masala factor.)

So, why am I talking about masala flicks in 2023, and what does it have to do with AI and ChatGPT?

All I want to know is this: Is ChatGPT ‘human’ enough to write a masala flick?

Let’s find out.

Part 1: The Inspiration

As of 2023, AI cannot write anything on its own. It needs suggestions, so let us take inspiration from Amar Akbar Anthony.

The plot of Amar Akbar Anthony is as unique as it gets. Legend says that director Manmohan Desai read a news article about a man abandoning his kids in a park, and wrote a story around it. Incidentally, the news happened to be really dark: the man was fed up with his life, so he first took his kids to a park, went home, and ended his life.

How Desai used it to create a colorful masala flick is beyond me. Oh no, wait, I get it. I totally get it.

If you have watched the film, you can skip to Part 2. You can keep reading if you want to refresh your memory or learn a bit more before we start the experiment.

(Spoilers!)

#1 A Crazy Beginning

Here is how the movie begins. A father (Pran) is on the run from a gangster (Jeevan). He mistakenly assumes that his wife is dead, and his family is in danger. He leaves his three sons in a park for, uh, safekeeping.

Later, the poor wife (Nirupa Roy) comes home to an empty house. She thinks everyone is dead, and tries to unalive herself. Thankfully, she survives, but somehow manages to go blind. (I bet you didn’t see that coming!)

#2 The Crazier Aftermath

Meanwhile, the three sons get separated because:
1) Kids are f-ing stupid
2) We need a tragic beginning for a happy ending.

The children are then found and raised by three men of three different faiths. Amar (Vinod Khanna) is a Hindu, and he grows up to be a policeman. Anthony Gonzalves (Amitabh Bachchan) is a Christian, raised by a priest. He somehow becomes a tapori who sells bootleg alcohol and wears bell-bottoms. Akbar (Rishi Kapoor) is adopted by a Muslim tailor, and goes on to become a qawwali singer.

[Note: There are no Sikhs, Jains, or Parsis in the film. Or else we would have “Amar, Akbar, Anthony, Amandeep, Arihant, Azman.” Inclusive, but not catchy enough. Also, the title song would be a rap in this case.]

The three protagonists run into each other and their mother from time to time. Nobody knows they are related, except the audience. Alas, their mother is now just a blind flower seller, alone in the world. But, our heroes treat her with warmth and respect, as if she was their own mother. (Wink wink).

#3 A ‘Pool’ of Blood

One day, the flower seller lady has an accident and is in need of blood. The three protagonists volunteer to donate and their blood types match. And now comes one of the most memorable scenes in Indian cinema. Yup, it is the opening credits with the blood donation scene.

And yes, all of this happens before the opening credits.

If you don’t know how ⭐iconic⭐ this scene is, here is Amitabh Bachchan describing it 4 decades after the release of the movie.

Can AI Write A Movie Like This?

I guess not, but ChatGPT is the golden boy of AI. People in the West have used it to get (some) movie ideas. But if it suggested something like the blood cocktail scene, it would be ridiculed for “blatantly disregarding medical science and spreading misinformation.”

But Manmohan Desai could, and he did.

That is a lot of masala to take in. So, if you’ve read this far, go get some water and cleanse your palate. I’ll wait.

Are you back? Good. So, let us now feed this movie’s premise to everyone’s favorite bot: ChatGPT. Do you think it can write something as ridiculously entertaining?

Part 2: Feeding ChatGPT The Masala Movie Plot

Here is how the chat started. I tried my best to condense this plot into a prompt.

Because this AI model basically gets its information from the internet, I was expecting it to regurgitate the plot of the original Amar Akbar Anthony.

Here is what the AI came up with.

Part 3: ChatGPT Writes A Movie Script

ChatGPT decided to name this film – “Trinity Brothers: United by Fate.” This title sounds more like a superhero movie I wouldn’t watch.

The opening shot is the mom looking for her kids, in a village. Pretty okay so far.

“Am I Original?” (Yeah Kinda)

The next act proves that ChatGPT cannot come up with anything which is “original enough.” It names the three brothers Amar, Akbar, and Anthony.

But wait, it is not an exact copy.

In the AI version, Amar is Muslim, Akbar is Christian, and Anthony is a Hindu. I am laughing my head off thinking of inter-faith children named Amar Ali, Akbar D’souza, and Anthony Pandey. (Careful now, ChatGPT. This is how you get cancelled on Twitter in 2023.)

Also, unlike the original movie, their paths never cross in the AI version. Oh come on!

The movie is engaging because the characters do not know they are brothers, but the audience knows they are. And that kept the audience wanting more, aching for the big reunion. When Amar beat up Anthony, 70s kids yelled at the screen, “Abe bhai hai wo tera! (He is your brother!)”

Bad Romance!

Here is the next act which touches upon the romance storyline:

Wait. They cross paths because Amar loves Anthony’s fiancée, and Akbar and Anthony fall for the same woman? Now, assuming Anthony’s fiancée is the same woman that he loves, all three brothers fall in love with the same person?

Once again, ChatGPT fails!

As any Bollywood aficionado will tell you, the allure of masala movies is the multi-starrer formula. The feeling of a glamorous crossover. The AI version has room for only one actress, which is not masala enough. Bland!

A Happy, Boring, Underwhelming Ending to a Masala Movie

The mother comes back in the next act. But, the rest is boilerplate.

Continuity In a Masala Movie: Scenes vs Plots

Manmohan Desai, never cared about continuity in the way he shot his scenes. There are dozens of goofs listed on IMDB for all of his films. But he always established the characters’ relationships with each other. Anthony may look different after every cut, but he never abandons Jenny to hit on Tayyab Ali.

So, when AI tells us all the brothers love the same woman but later says they marry their love-interests – it makes no sense.

Divine Intervention: A Force Unknown to Bots

The AI also gets away with saying “some divine intervention.” The human version had a scene where Sai Baba granted eyesight to the devoted mother. She then recognizes Akbar as her flesh and blood, because of the power of maa. That is when the first piece of the puzzle falls into place.

That is how you use the element of divine intervention in a plot: by making the impossible happen.

So, I asked AI to explain the “divine intervention” further. But, it added more bland nonsense:

Consider this sentence for a moment. “Anthony is confronted by a supernatural being who tells him that family is more important that anything else. “

Okay. I get it. And I can visualize it! This happened:

Part 4: How Good Is DALL-E?

All masala movies have happy endings, sealed with a closing shot full of hope and optimism. Sometimes, that shows up on the poster as well.

However, ChatGPT’s idea of the closing shot is a huge disappointment.

I used the closing shot’s description as a prompt to DALL-E and the results are terrible. Honestly, anyone can make a better picture using MS Word’s clip art.

In contrast, this is what we see towards the end of the original movie.

I gave this prompt to DALL-E: “Three brothers and their wives, laughing, driving in an open jeep.” And I got this horrifying image with melted faces:

Bhai Mile, Bhagya Ki Vijay: The Masala Movie Poster

Masala films had brightly colored posters which were pasted around every tier-2 city, and that meant something. Let us make one. But first, we need a better title. So, let us ask ChatGPT for some Hindi titles.

Wow. These titles are worse than the names given to Harry Potter characters in the Hindi dubs. (Nagesh Nagashakti, anyone?) But, I will go with the last one: Bhai mile: Bhagya ki Vijay. This translates to, ‘The brothers met: Victory of fate.”

After playing around with the original DALL-E image’s variations a little, here is the poster I made for Bhai mile: Bhagya ki Vijay.

The Verdict

Okay writers and graphic designers. You can take a deep breath and let out a sigh of relief.

No AI can replace humans…yet. And no AI can replace Manmohan Desai, never ever.

To conclude, here are some quotes from the man himself:

My films are an escape hatch. . . . My constant efforts are to take people into a world of fantasy where there is no worry, no serious thinking, just fun and entertainment all the way. . .

The person who comes to the movies should be happy to see whatever he’s seeing. My plots are not realistic. My characters are realistic. You see, if I make the stories real, they’re not interested in seeing them. But put
those characters on a trip to fantasy!

In the West people may read meanings into my films which I hadn’t consciously intended. . . . Finally what counts is pleasing not the critics but the public.

Manmohan Desai, in an interview with Connie Haham.

Liked this blog? Share it with someone who loves masala flicks and/or AI. Check out some of my other blogs. And watch Amar Akbar Anthony here on Shemaroo’s Youtube channel.