Pushpavalli Revisited: The Dark Side of Limerence – Part 2
If you don’t know what I am talking about, go read ‘Pusphavalli Revisited : The Dark Side of Limerence – Part 1‘ first. As T-boi said, “Study is very thing.”
Warning: Spoilers for Pushpavalli (Season 1 and 2)
In the last part of this series, I talked about the initial phase of limerence (glimmer), how limerence is not “just a crush”, the problem with disclosure, person addition, the terrifying final rejection, and the aftermath.
And if you think that was a handful, Pushpavalli doesn’t stop there. Let us zoom in further (because, why not? Its not like we’re getting season 3 anytime soon.)
How Limerence Hurts You
Just like addiction, limerence chips away at every part of your being, until there is nothing left.
Does this statement feel too doomer-y? Unfortunately, it is true.
The late-stages of obsession bring with them a dangerous kind of tunnel vision. Not only does Pushpa harm herself, but she also destroys people’s lives. She behaves in ways that lack integrity and authenticity. What’s worse, she never realizes that her actions have consequences – dire consequences.
At some level, all limerents are struggling with a deep sense of shame about their own desperate need for connection. How do they deal with that? Mental gymnastics.
They Lie. A Lot. All The time.
Pushpa is also an expert at constructing situations to lie about her true intentions. The lines between true and false blur, and before she realizes it, she is in too deep.
Take a sip of water every time Pushpa lies to those around her. You will be so well hydrated that your skin will glow like Vasu’s eyes when she picks up her hockey stick.
It is so pathetic that Pushpa’s whole life is a lie. When you make a list of her lies, it just seems insane. Here are just five of them, because if I type out all of them, this blog will become a book.
- Lie to your friends about why you’re moving to Bangalore.
- Lie to your boss about being stalked.
- Fake an engagement to appear harmless when you stalk your quarry.
- Lie about fiancé being in debt.
- Lie about loving fiancé being a shallow guy who is repulsed by you.
Yeah, she is problematic, isn’t she? But, it all comes to bite her back. Her fiancé leaves, feeling deeply hurt and betrayed. Swati tells Pankaj to cut ties with her forever. Nikhil gives his bhindi to Dr. Rameeza, and Pushpa is literally thrown out on the street.
And you know what happens after she hits rock bottom. Once again, Pushpa projects her emotional lows outward. She steals Nikhil’s pack-house keys and rigs the building with a bomb, leading to an explosion and a possible death.
Yeah, it just gets worse.
Why Is She Like This?
T Boi, Pushpa’s unofficial sidekick, is massively perplexed by her motives and actions. In the first season, he keeps asking why she is stalking Nikhil. (Side note: T Boi is Ashok Pathak’s funniest character. It is better than Binod from Panchayat.)
And in the next season, he is equally confused about her revenge plot. Later, when Pushpa (briefly) abandons her plan because of resurfaced glimmer, T Boi makes an astute observation.
For the first time, we see his grin vanish, his intrigue disappear, and his (paid) obedience fall. He confronts maidam and says:
Why are you so desperate for some love?
He hits the nail on the head, and also hits a nerve. What could have been a moment of self-reflection for Pushpa elicits an outburst.
The limerent brain wants the warm, fuzzy feeling. No room for the truth.
But, let us try to answer T boi’s question. What makes a person fall into the deep, dark pit of limerence? What makes them behave without integrity? What is wrong with Pushpa?
1) Attachment Wounds?
With Pushpavalli, what I wanted to say was that ‘yes, she is a problematic character but she is also a nice person with insecurity’. You relate to her not because she is a stalker, you relate to her because she is insecure.
Sumukhi Suresh, creator of Pushpavalli, in an interview with Indian Express.
Pushpa’s backstory, while not the main focus of the show, holds some of the answers to her deep-seated insecurity. We learn that she lost her father early on. She feels suffocated by her mom’s constant nagging: asking to check where she is, wanting to know what she is up to, and preventing her from making her own decisions. And how did Puspha navigate it? Lying and manipulating.
Lying, manipulating, and convincing people is the only way she can find a sliver of acceptance in some way. I am not a psychologist, but it is apparent that this is her survival mechanism. And when she goes through “Nikhil withdrawal,” she doesn’t hold back.
And she won’t stop, no matter what. She wants that D…opamine.
2) Maybe She is Born With it. Maybe its Just-The-Genes?
We’re back to the age old debate: nature vs. nurture. There have been a few studies that point to genetic predispositions towards infatuation and obsession. Limerence analysts have also speculated if neurodivergent people are more prone to this condition. Some even go on to say that people with ADHD and autism can also fall victim to love obsession because of the tendency to hyper-focus.
But, this is all preliminary research and guesswork. Even neurotypical people aren’t safe from limerence. Anyone can become a victim. (Isn’t that depressing?)
Do any of these apply to Pushpa? I think they don’t. Maybe Pushpavalli season 3 will hold some answers? Come on Sumukhi.
It Is All Nikhil’s Fault, No?
Ah yes, Nikhil – the root of all evil, or so it seems. But the real problem is the limerent brain idealizing the limerent object and putting them on a pedestal.
The reason we believe that bhindi guy is this ‘perfect prince charming’ is because of how he is introduced. We see him through the eyes of girls who find him handsome. We see Pushpa spend the whole convention hanging out with him with a warm sepia filter and gentle background music. Ah good memories, aren’t they?
Are they?
There are two things to consider here: what happened during the convention vs how Pushpa remembers it. For her, they were the best days of her life. But the audience can see that she spent most of her time trying to entertain him with jokes and getting stuff done for him. On some level, he senses her need for being liked, and throws her crumbs like a gentleman.
The cycle repeats in season 2. She gets work done for him, he throws her crumbs, sigh. Pankaj does not understand why Pushpa is serving him and ditching her fiancé for him. He even calls out ‘Johnny Bravo’ for being a selfish a-hole. Meanwhile, Nikhil somehow knows that despite being ‘engaged’, she still wants his attention.
So did he lead her on? Was he the one who made her feel that way? Did he manipulate or use her?
The answer is: it does not matter.
What? So, We’ll Just Let Him Off The Hook Like That?
This story was always about Pushpavalli Parasuraman, not about Nikhil Rao.
Take this from a recovered limerent: the more time you spend looking for their fault, the worse it will get. Your focus will still be on them, and not you. They are not worth it.
Nikhil isn’t evil, but he simply does what is convenient in the moment. There is no use holding him accountable. People like him will just keep throwing crumbs around, luring people, treating them as per their convenience, and getting by.
Vidyuth, Valli’s fake fiancé in season 2, serves as an excellent foil for Nikhil. Nikhil is (mostly) boring and self-centered, but we don’t immediately notice because he is elevated by Pushpa’s fantasy-thinking and idealization. Viduyth, on the other hand, has an actual personality and likes Valli for who she is.
Yay! Finally, we talk about Vidyuth.
Vidyuth : The Opposite of Crumbs and Limerence
Everybody loves Vidyuth. Except Pushpavalli, who sees him as a means to an end.
Vidyuth is so loving and pure he makes Nikhil look boring and self-centered in comparison. Nikhil looks at her with an expression that says, “I am entertained by you, keep doing it.” Vidyuth just looks at her, and that is enough.
And yet, Valli throws Viduyth away for ankle socks.
And we are back to the question: Why does Valli treat Vidyuth this way? It all comes back to her “person addiction” and the high she gets when she chases Nikhil.
Why does an alcoholic abandon his family and drinks himself to death? Why does a gambling addict squander their savings as their children starve? Addicts are simply unable to fathom how their actions affect other people.
In the penultimate scene of the season 2 finale, we see Pushpa set up a bomb in the packhouse. Just as she is exiting the builing, her engagement ring falls of her finger, lands on the floor, and stares up at her. Suddenly, guilt seems to wash over her. We get a flashback of Vidyuth scenes, words and actions she had failed to notice because of limerence blindness.
Too little too late. When limerence overpowers you, there is little room for much else.
Gayi Behen: Is There Any Hope For Pushpavalli?
In the first episode, Guruji tells Pushpa, “This time you will get what you want. But, the fire will follow you.” He is right, because Guruji.
She does get her revenge. O.K. Rao exports cannot go on after an explosion, right? When we last see her, she is crashed against a wall as a fire alarm plays in the background. Amidst the rubble of cardboard and okra remains, we see a man collapsed on the floor. Whoever the man is, we see the sheer horror on Pushpa’s face as she realizes she might have killed somebody – somebody who is innocent.
Is it possible for her to make amends or even heal after this?
My prediction for season 3 is this: While Pushpa will face the consequences of her actions, she will ultimately start healing herself, recognizing her pattern of limerent obsession. Perhaps, she will be the one to confess to planting a bomb, and go to prison. Addicts (those who abuse substances) often get clean while locked up, so maybe Pushpa finally gets a Nikhil detox and takes a good hard look at her life. Maybe she even becomes a prison cook like Galina “Red” Reznikov.
Whatever her fate, her story is a cautionary tale for everyone who is limerent.
Yikes, I Might Be Limerent
How many love failures you’ve done ma?
Yeah, you are not alone. I’ve been there too, and it is possible to get your sh*t together (provided you haven’t blown up a bhindi factory yet.) Here is a list of resources you can use:
Living With Limerence, Blog by Dr. L
The Crappy Childhood Fairy on Youtube
Love and Limerence, book by Dorothy Tennov
I hope you liked this blog. Sorry for the lack of Vasu.
