Pushpavalli Revisited: The Dark Side of Limerence – Part 1

Warning: Spoilers for Pushpavalli (Season 1 and 2) and Crazy Ex-girlfriend (all seasons)

If you haven’t watched Pushpavalli yet, give it a try. And if you are a part of the small yet dedicated fanbase, hopefully this article will give you something to chew on until Pushpavalli season 3 comes out. (Come on, Sumukhi!)

I keep revisiting this show from time to time because it is criminally underrated. And as a recovering limerent myself, I am amazed at how Pushpavalli masterfully depicts the strange phenomenon of limerence. At a glance, this word looks like it is lime or citrus-related. It isn’t, but it does make your life go sour if it gets you in its trap.

Limerence is love gone rancid.

A Quick Definition of Limerence

Limerence is an altered mental state, characterized mainly by intense infatuation. Coined by psychologist Dorothy Tennov in 1979, limerence is described as an initial period of elation, followed by intense emotional highs and lows, and finally culminating into obsession.

Finally culminating into obsession. Now, why does that sound familiar?

Wait, Limerence? Isn’t Pushpavalli a Stalker Story?

The name Pushpavalli means creeper, and appears to be a nod to the protagonist’s obsessive stalking. And because of this, the show has often been compared to Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, mainly by people who haven’t seen it.

Yes, both shows involve a female protagonist, the whole moving-cities-for-a-boy storyline, and bad decisions. Despite that, the two shows have significant differences.

Rebecca “craziness” is an array of symptoms that point to deep, underlying mental illness. That character is not neurotypical, and even receives a BPD diagnosis later on. But when we first meet Pushpa, she is pretty much…normal? She is an intelligent college student with friends, subject knowledge, street smarts, and opinions. And she’s so much fun! But, she doesn’t know it, or believe it. Harangued by a judgmental mother, no father figure, and low self-esteem, Pushpa seems to be blind to her own potential.

That is, until bhindi guy comes around. And Pushpa slowly goes from a normal girl to a limerent, obsessed zombie.

Let us now put Pushpavalli under the microscope and understand how it examines every aspect of limerence.

The ‘Glimmer’: The First Hope

Season 1 begins with Pushpavalli’s PG life in Bangalore, and we see flashbacks of her first meeting with Nikhil. She doesn’t really care about him, even thinks that he is stupid for saying plastic bottles are more food-safe than glass bottles. She doesn’t even seem to notice his supposed good looks, until her friend points it out. She doesn’t even get his number until her friend dares her to. He is just another person.

Until, this happens.

After the first interaction and more, Pushpa concludes that this guy might “mean something.” He is constantly impressed by her intelligence, shrewdness, and sense of humor. He even keeps complimenting her and giving her side hugs, something which Pushpa has never experienced before.

And to add a dash of seasoning to the mixed signal salad, he also casually mentions long-distance relationships before he leaves.

Yikes.

The damage is done, the seeds of hope are planted, and every cell in Pushpa’s being now has only one goal: recreate this warm, fuzzy feeling.

This feeling is what limerence analysts call “glimmer”, the tipping point.

This is where an ordinary person becomes a limerent object, the focal point of the limerent person’s energy, thoughts, and actions. Glimmer is more than just a good feeling, it is the beginning of a destructive, obsessive path.

How Pushpavalli Nails The Dangers of Glimmer

Tennov’s book explains glimmer through a series of interviews with real sufferers of limerents, and all of them are highly specific accounts of what made people fall into this deep, dark, hole. But, the best description of glimmer comes from the blog Living With Limerence.

“An ultrafast connection is made that links all the various pieces of sensory input (physical appearance, body language, scent, tone of voice, laugh etc.) and triggers an response: physiological arousal.”

Yup. Limerence is an altered mental state. It is important to nip limerence in the bud by recognizing this initial glimmer, and recovering limerents are willing to die on this hill. Alas, those who experience glimmer are too caught up in the pleasure to heed this sensible advice.

Now, back to the show. With all this positive affirmation, Pushpa’s brain goes, “Huh, I am not so unlovable after all.” And then, she musters up the courage to tell him that she likes him, right? Nope! She uses her intelligence for her grand limerence masterplan. (More on that later.)

Wait, Isn’t This Just a Crush?

Oh, how limerents wish their intense emotional agony would fade away like a crush.

To understand this, let us look at a parallel storyline – Pankaj and his crush on Swati in season one. Whatever Pankaj feels for Swati is real, but it doesn’t consume him. He still goes on dates (one of which Pushpa ruins with the mini-boob story.) He doesn’t try to win her over through her buffalo-identifying son. He doesn’t move heaven and earth to be with her. And when it is revealed that Nikhil and Swati are a thing, he doesn’t take it as a personal affront.

Yes, Pankaj the angry potty-mouth has a completely normal reaction to what he feels.

Why doesn’t Pushpa react the same way? Because she doesn’t have a ‘crush’ on Nikhil. She needs him to satisfy a deep psychological need. She constantly monitors signals from him and goes through intense emotional highs and lows throughout this process.

So, Why Doesn’t Pushpavalli Just Tell Him?

Short answer: Because there is too much to lose

If you’ve never experienced excruciating limerence, you will find it hard to understand why. But if you have, 1) I empathize with you 2) You know it is anything but easy.

Pushpavalli masterfully depicts why a limerent person goes through in their minds. Disclosing limerence is impossible, there is too much to lose. With a deep-seated psychological need to keep the glimmer alive, rejection and non-reciprocation is equal to death.

Yes, that is how our brains connect the dots. A bit stupid, isn’t it?

Pushpavalli’s Person Addiction

If you are into psychology like I am, you might say, “Isn’t this pattern similar to addiction?” Yes, it is, which is why some people refer to limerence as person addiction. If the person is around, the addict is fine, but keeps wanting more. Take the person away and you get ugly, ugly withdrawal. In both cases, there is no true fulfilment.

When is Pushpa the happiest? Is it when she is around Nikhil? No, it is when her brain picks up the signal, “The feeling of love is mutual,” even though it is a delusion.

Like a hawk, she watches what Nikhil does, where he goes, and what he says. But, she never tells him.

Every meeting is made to look like a chance meeting, designed to evoke a positive response. When Nikhil unexpectedly shows up at the Guruji’s pandaal, it is a sign from God, despite Guruji telling her to ditch her pursuit and go back home. She lies about her birthday to get him to attend a comedy show with him, plots and schemes to uncover his ‘true feelings.’ She even tries to butter up his a-hole parents. And when he calls her out, she steals his dog. Why? So that she can continue to be a part of his life by pretending to do a dog-search and prove her “helpfulness.”

When all fails, she breaks her leg to gain sympathy. All in the hope that Nikhil notices her devotion to him, and finally reciprocates.

Exhausting. This is what limerence makes you do.

Rejection And The Feeling of Doom

When the world ends, nothing matters.

The penultimate scene in season 1 shows Pushpavalli crying on Nikhil’s doorstep, alone and rejected. She laments about how Nikhil led her on. She explains how she was just pursuing a guy she liked and expresses her grave disappointment at “he was just being nice.”

This is what Tennov means when she talks about intense emotional lows. Rejection doesn’t just hurt, it destroys. The “addict” has to face that her drug supply has been cut off, and the pain is unbearable.

How does one cope with a loss this devastating?

1. Some people direct it inward: Self-harm, binge drinking, other forms of substance abuse, and even ending their own lives.
2. Others express their torment with art, poetry, and songwriting. Let it all sublimate.
3. And some people direct it outward, taking their sorrow and anger out on the limerent object.

In the last scene of the series finale of season 1, we see that Pushpa has chosen option 3.